Today I was finally able to get out of my bed. Although i wasn’t allowed to go very far, or be up for very long, it was still pretty exciting. ICU was a pretty closed off place from the rest of the hospital, and if you were a patient there, you were defiantly not allowed to leave. So i started my little walk around the ICU, and it wasn’t as easy as i thought it was going to be. I was sore and tired, and i quickly realized that it was much more comfortable in my bed. Quickly my focus changed, as i walked around the ICU i could see into some of the other rooms. My jaw dropped at the condition of some of the patients, it was truly frightening. My mom noticed me looking, and she took me back to my room. for a few minutes i was in shock, i had heard about what ICU was like but id never experienced it first hand.
At this point my spirits were really down, i felt like i had been on an emotional roller coaster ever since i got here. And this just happened to be a down moment. I don’t think i really know how to deal with this yet, one moment i’m laughing with my friends and the next i’m wondering how serious things are. But i know that everything i’m feeling cannot even compare to how my parents are feeling now.
We wait patiently as another day went on and we had no results. my doctor had given my parents a few ideas as to what it might be, but i’m not so sure that was a good idea. I could see my dad pull out his laptop and start googleing all of the options, and i just watched his face turn white. he came over to my bed side and said to me “carley, we are going to do whatever it takes to get you better, whatever it takes.” it was really breaking my heart to see my dad like this, hes always the strong one, always the rock. but not today, today i could see him slowly falling apart.