Tired of being sick

These last few days have not been a piece of cake. Friday night my family and i went out for dinner and a movie. Half way through the movie i realized that i wasn’t really feeling well. When we got home, i went straight to bed. Little did i know that i was going to be up all night. about an hour later i woke up sweating and in extreme pain. i hadn’t taken any medication yet so i pulled myself out of my bed and walked downstairs to find some medication. I fist took my temperature because i knew that if i had a high fever we would have to take another trip to sick kids. In general i have a low temperature, but the thermometer only read about 37 so i decided i was good to take my medication. The 30 minutes it took for the medication to kick in felt like hours, but it did its job and i went back to sleep for a few hours.

I woke up the next morning feeling equally as bad as the middle of the night if not worse. I didn’t really understand why, i had finished my last round of chemotherapy on monday so i should be feeling good by this point. But whatever it was i had to deal with it. I spent all day Saturday in bed hoping i would feel well enough to attend the Skate Canada COS Ice Show that night. I checked the clock every minute as it got closer to the time i was suppose to leave the house for the show. When the time came, i still wasn’t able to leave my bed. My mom got her things and went to the show to receive the donation on my behalf. I was extremely upset that i couldn’t be there to watch the show and thank Skate Canada for the donation but i was not in shape to leave the house yet.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling mildly better. I realized that i had caught a cold, and catching a cold when your immunities are so low isn’t fun. Its more like a cold on steroids. All i can do is rest and wait till i start to feel better.

Its been pretty hard to just sit in bed for these last few days, knowing that i could be back in the hospital for more chemo or surgery within a week or so. I like to spend as much time doing the things i love in between hospital stays, and getting a cold feels like a bit of a set back. It makes me think, when is this all going to be over? when am i going to be able to get back to just being myself? Its not a familiar feeling waking up and having nothing to do, nothing to accomplish. Its been long enough now that i’ve almost forgotten what feeling normal hand healthy feels like. And i know the day i feel normal again will be one of the best days of my life.

Although this isn’t something i would have wished upon myself or anyone else, it has taught me things i would have never learned if i didn’t go through this. In the past if a family member or friend wasnt feeling good or just had a cold adn we had somewhere to be, normally i would have just said something like maybe take an advil and you’ll feel better soon, or take a cold shower. I don’t think i will ever say that again to anyone. Before i was diagnosed i had never been so sick that i couldnt walk or be self sufficient. but now i know how it feels, adn if someone tells me they don’t feel good, my response would be more like, “theres the couch, heres some water, do you want me to sit with you?” Not that i wouldn’t have done things like that before, but it has become so clear to me now that you never know how bad someone actually feels.

Tomorrow i will have a meeting with my oncologist to discuss what the plan will be, this time i’m nervous but i know whatever happens i will have the amazing support of my friends have family that i always have.

Looking forward to Lobster weekend on Gull Lake 2013!